How to get your wife back after separation-Introduction

How to get your wife back after separation

If you’re reading this book right now, then you’re probably suffering emotionally over the loss of someone you love greatly. The specific circumstances are irrelevant right now – maybe you did something wrong – maybe they did. But the relationship ended, and now you want to repair the damage and reunite with your ex. Anyone who doesn’t give up and seeks out advice on how to make this happen is obviously committed and should be commended for making the effort. Here is how The Magic of Making Up is laid out and how you can get the most benefit from it. First, we are going to discover the most common, but hidden reason why lovers leave. The core reasons! It is crucial you understand these reasons, it is because of these reasons that relationships are severed. It is like trying to work a jig saw puzzle in the dark if you don’t understand these “love principles”. This is the “Understanding” stage. Next, we are going to work on “getting your head on straight”. Okay? You just can NOT attract someone back when you are depressed, angry or being extremely needy. Then we are going to take a further look into YOUR relationship (Assess) and work a PROVEN plan, using methods and techniques that win back hearts! I highly recommend for you to get everything you can from this guide to read through it once to get a general idea of the strategy we are going to use. And then YOU must follow the plan! You must take action! Nothing will happen if you do not use the information here. Make sense? Cool! In summary, we are going to: 1. Understand 2. Get Our Head On Straight 3. Assess 4. Work the plan

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost Chapter 1: Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended Page 5 of 62

Chapter 1:

Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended (And Why It’s Not Over Just Yet)

Why Lovers Say Goodbye Couples break up all the time. (Just look at Jessica Simpson and John Mayer – the tabloids can’t even keep up with how often they’re off and on again!) But for the average Jane and Joe, who can’t soothe their pain with a $10,000 spending spree on Rodeo Drive, there has to be a way to get past the situation and move forward with – or without – the other person in your life.

Men and women leave relationships for different reasons. It can be confusing trying to sort out the mind of the opposite sex. Even when we’re told something, we often feel there’s more to the story or that the other person is out and out lying about the situation, so let’s be blunt here.

If your lover has left you and given you some lame excuse like, “It’s just not working out,” you have to de-code that secrets speak and figure out what went wrong on your own so you can fix it.

Not every situation is cut and dry, but some are. Sometimes one of you cheats and that deliver enough of a punch in the gut to make the one who got hurt pick up and say goodbye. Let’s face it, too – if someone cheated, there were problems long before the act of being unfaithful took place. If you’re not in a position where you can pinpoint the exact reason, then you have to understand men and women and what makes them tick. Why Men Check Out of the Relationship Men don’t want to hurt your feelings. Or maybe they just don’t want to hear your reaction when they tell you the truth. Some men don’t even know why they want out – they just do. Either way, the fact is – men will abandon a relationship when it’s no longer giving them what they need. Men like to be admired for who they are. They want respect and to see interest coming in from the opposite sex. Chapter 1: Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended Page 6 of 62

Men CRAVE ADMIRATION!

When a relationship gets stale, they may seek out another woman who has the newness and interest their old lover once showed. Call it manhood, call it ego – whatever it is, you have to let your man know he’s wanted and admired in a big way or he’ll get that boost from someone else.

When a couple first gets together a woman is really good at letting a man know she’s interested. She bats her eyelashes, smiles a lot, giggles, and is touchy-feely with him.

Then as time drags on, she starts going without make-up, wears sweats instead of that cute little mini-dress she used to don for him, and because she’s no longer trying to land him, she doesn’t put in as much effort into laughing at his jokes and showing interest in him.

Men don’t leave because they found someone prettier or thinner. They leave to feel respected, admired and wanted again. You’ll often hear men complain about wanting to stop being “nagged to death.”

It’s not the nagging that’s the problem – it’s the fact that their woman is conveying she’s somehow unsatisfied with who he is and what he has to offer, and that’s what eats away at him and drives him out of the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever express your true feelings, but you have to balance those thoughts with an expression of love and admiration that will feed the fire of your love. You don’t have to sacrifice your self-respect and cater to his every whim. Why Women Leave Their Men

Women leave for completely different reasons. They’re loyal to the end, until they stop feeling appreciated by their man. Men tend to think of some women as being “high-maintenance” because they’re needy and crave attention.

If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself; all that runs over will be yours. Charles Caleb Colton

It’s not the attention they need – it’s the feeling that you appreciate everything they do – from the way she puts a little love note in your lunch to how she calls you at work to hear your voice.

This is why women who cheat, do it with men who shower them with attention and praise for who Chapter 1: Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended Page 7 of 62

they are and what they have to offer the world. Don Juans and Casanovas use this technique quite successfully to seduce married and partnered up women. They start first as “the friend” who listens to the girl’s problems. Then, the conversation turns to “how ungrateful” the man she is with is and how blind he is to all of her wonderful qualities. Finally, the Don Juan himself, is showering her with the “appreciation” and “attention” that she intensely desires…and next thing you know, Don Juan is the new man in her life. Let’s take a look at just a few common reasons relationships end. This is not an exhaustive list, but a sample to show you how every instance boils down to the elements above. Cheating- Woman feels horribly unappreciated. Man does not feel admired when his wife or girlfriend cheats on him. Now, I can almost hear you screaming, but what about trust, faithfulness and 101 other reasons other than appreciation or admiration that someone would be upset about an affair? Yes. There are other reasons and emotions. But, this is so important, the CORE reason someone will leave after an affair is feeling unappreciated or for a man, losing the admiration of his partner. A woman is much more likely to NOT end a relationship or GO BACK after an affair, if she feels her man still NEEDS and WANTS her. There are thousands, if not millions of women that know their husband is having an affair and DO NOT LEAVE because they feel that their husband appreciates and needs them at some level. I am NOT saying that the affair is right, or does not upset her. I am just illustrating that loyalty, honesty and faithfulness take a “back seat” to just a “little appreciation”. Now, let’s look at this when a woman cheats on a man. The worst thing a woman can do after an affair is to try to lay blame on the man. (which is so common). For example, the woman will say things like it was your fault because: “You didn’t pay attention to me.” “I was lonely.” “Needed someone to talk to…” This is like the princess coming out and shouting “I do NOT admire you.” A man wants to feel like he is the knight in shining armor. Also, inbred into a “man” is the need to be strong (so he will be admired).

A woman would be much better off NOT laying blame. Usually, the best approach is to explain what a mistake the cheating or affair was, because of how much MORE and Chapter 1: Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended Page 8 of 62

BETTER of a man her current husband or boyfriend is than the man she had the affair with. Constant Arguing and Fights- This kills many a relationship. And is a perfect example of the two core reasons why lovers will leave. Think of how many arguments are really over “I do NOT feel appreciated.” And the “killer” of passion for the man is that during and many times, long after the fight he feels like a piece of dung, a far cry from feeling like a “knight”.

Ask any relationship therapist and one of the most common reasons men give for leaving a relationship is “No matter what I did I couldn’t make her happy!” after so long of not being able to make his girl happy, he WILL give up and go with someone he feels HE CAN make happy.

And the reason given by most women?

“He doesn’t appreciate a thing I do!”

Do you see the pattern?

Now, there are other issues, such as trust, (which we will discuss) that may affect your relationship. He or she may even SAY they don’t trust you anymore and that may be true, but that is not the underlying reason they left or why they won’t get back together. Let’s take a closer look. Let’s say that Tom had an affair and lied about it to Sally. Sally finds out and feels incredibly hurt, and does not feel special or appreciated by Tom at all. She tells Tom that she can’t trust him anymore and that they are through. Now, what is really going on? Sally feels, either consciously or unconsciously, that she will never feel special to Tom. She feels that she can never feel special and loved by Tom EVER again because she fears that he will have another affair. So what is the point in the relationship? When what Sally needs most is not going to be met? See…it just comes out as “I don’t trust you.” Because it is so much easier. People aren’t always clear in their feelings. Men are less clear than women. And both, men and women are not clear during heated arguments. Underneath that “I don’t trust you” is the true reason.

Return To Table of Contents Chapter 2: Don’t Panic Page 9 of 62