How to get your wife back-chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Re-Igniting the Spark of Passion and Desire

After a breakup, how do you go back to the beginning of your relationship? In order to go back to the initial phases of attraction and romance, you have to renew your feelings of confidence and desirability. Who are you more attracted to? Someone who puts their best face forward? Or someone who looks like they couldn’t care less about their appearance? You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt or Carmen Electra to attract your mate to you. But you do have to put some time and energy into taking care of your health and your looks. This isn’t about becoming the most beautiful or handsome person in the room, it’s about being the best you can be. That may seem impossible when you’re feeling the blues from a breakup, but a few simple steps can bring you back into a healthy frame of mind. It may be hard to think of taking care of yourself, but if you want to attract your ex, you have to start with this crucial first step. When you take care of you, you put out a vibe that no one can see but everyone can feel. It’s like a magnetic force that brings good people toward you. This is critical to helping you get back with your ex. VITALLY IMPORTANT! There is also another psychologically powerful reason to alter your appearance. To change your looks from when you were together, a personal “transformation” if you will. …You MUST BREAK THE PATTERN. What does that mean? Here’s the easiest explanation. Can you recall a smell that brings back powerful memories? Good or bad? For many the smell of cookies baking brings back great childhood memories. I for instance can not stand the smell of Pine-Sol. It brings back awful memories of a very troubling time in my childhood.

Humans unconsciously link emotions to sights, sounds and smells. At the beginning of a relationship there are no “linked” emotions to a persons appearance, unless the person reminds them of somebody. As the relationship progresses good feelings start to associate with the appearance, sound and smell of a person. Bad feelings may associate too, but at the beginning of a relationship there are typically Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 23 of 62

more “good feelings” than bad. We associate pleasure with the tangible features of another person. This is all great when the relationship is going well. It is these “linked feelings” that will keep us attracted through the rough times. What happens in failing relationships, is bad experiences and feelings start to overtake the good experiences. And now we link bad feelings to the tangible features of the other person. We have a pattern. See this person…bad feelings well up. There may be some good too. Overall though the balance has tipped to the negative. What we need to do is BREAK THE PATTERN. There are literally dozens of ways to look, smell and even sound different. So that when we contact and meet our ex again he/she does not run the same pattern and “bad linked feelings” as when the relationship failed. What happens is we start on fresh ground psychologically speaking. This is an unconscious process. This has a DOUBLE WHAMMY effect when the change demonstrates a greater care for ourselves, If we were to lose weight, get our teeth whitened or get our acne cleared up for example. Further, it gives us increased confidence which is a potent aphrodisiac. Begin With the Body

The easiest place to get started is by taking care of yourself physically. When your body is healthy you have more energy. This helps to improve your mental health as well.

Don’t forget to love yourself. Soren Kierkegaard

You may be tempted to do things like fill your body full of junk food and lay in bed watching TV as much as possible after a breakup. You may be having a hard time sleeping or eating at all. Either extreme will do nothing to get you back together with your ex. If you want results, you have to fight these instincts. Everything in this section is designed to give you more energy. That’s because a breakup can often leave you feeling drained. You must take care of your body and increase your energy to have the relationship you desire. Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 24 of 62

Get Moving

The first step in getting your body in shape is to get moving. This means exercise. You need to get into a routine of exercising at least 30-45 minutes every day. If you already have a gym membership – start using it. If not, there are many activities you can do that don’t require a lot of extra money or equipment.

Activities you can do on your own include:

 Walking

 Jogging/Running

 Rollerblading

 Biking

 Swimming

With these activities you’ll get your heart rate up and sweat. This is a great way to help improve your mood. When you exercise, your body creates hormones called endorphins. These chemicals are natural pain relievers that make you feel good. So exercising will automatically help you to improve your mood if it’s vigorous and causes your heart to beat faster. Other exercises can be good for relaxation and strength as well. For example:

 Yoga

 Stretching

 Weight training

 Pilates

These exercises will help to improve your strength. They’ll help you to talk taller and be more confident. These should be used to supplement the more aerobic activities you participate in every day. Finding a buddy can also help you to get into gear. If you have a close friend – or even acquaintance – who would like to work out, it may help motivate you even more. There are many activities that are great for two. For example:

 Biking

 Hiking

 Racquetball

Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 25 of 62

 Tennis

 Basketball

 Jogging/running

 Walking

 Rollerblading

 Aerobics classes

 Water exercise and swimming

Having someone to exercise with can be a great way to get the job done. Remember, this time of exercise is not about becoming the most beautiful or handsome person in the room. Instead, it’s about being the best you possible and about gaining the confidence you need to attract the love of your life. People will notice the extra spring in your step even if they don’t see any of the other physical changes that come from an exercise program. So even if you feel like getting into bed with the covers pulled tightly over your head, fight it and move your body! You Are What You Eat Breakup food often includes one or more of the following:

 Ice cream

 Cookies

 Chocolate in any form

 Drive-thru

 Chips

Sounding familiar? These foods may provide you with some temporary comfort, but in the end they just weigh you down and make you feel even worse. On the other hand when you put healthy foods in your body, you feel lighter and have more energy. A lot of people strive to eat healthy foods, but they don’t really know what foods are the best. In this section you’ll learn about how to eat healthy so that you can have the energy you need to get back with your ex. You’ll also be more attractive to other people when you feel good about yourself. Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 26 of 62

Before you head to the nearest weight loss center, you don’t have to spend a lot of money or join a diet program to feel better. Sure, Kirstie Alley swears by a program but you don’t have to buy into something like that to get the results you need. Protein You need to eat lots of protein to help fuel your muscles and your brain – especially right after a breakup. Foods that contain protein include:

 Beef

 Chicken

 Turkey

 Pork

 Eggs

 Beans

 Milk

 Cheese

 Yogurt

 Nuts – such as almonds or pecans

When you’re choosing protein to eat, you should look for lean cuts of meat. Cuts that are “round” or “loin” are going to be lower in fat than others. You should also limit your servings of red meat (beef) to once a week. Getting protein from low-fat sources such as yogurt and milk can be very beneficial. And the fat that you get from eating nuts is actually good for your heart and health – so nuts are a great source of nutrition. Fruits and Veggies While your body needs protein for muscle growth, it also needs fiber and vitamins. These come primarily from fruits and vegetables. These are nature’s best gift to your body. Fruits and vegetables give your meals color – and the more color you have, the more nutritious your meal is. Every time you sit down to eat, try to make sure you see at least four different colors on your plate. This ensures that your getting a variety of nutritional factors that you need. Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 27 of 62

Many people get stuck in a rut when it comes to fruits and vegetables. You may get sick of eating the same old green beans and apples. But there are literally hundreds of choices when it comes to these foods. Try something a little exotic to add flavor and fun to your meals. Here are some examples: Fruits

 Pomegranate

 Pineapple

 Kumquat

 Strawberries

 Jicama

 Fresh cherries

 Champagne grapes

Vegetables

 Squash

 Peppers

 Beets

 Greens

 Cabbage

 Tomatoes

 Leeks

 Pumpkin

 Mushrooms

You may be a little intimidated about trying to prepare these foods, but you can talk to someone at your local grocer. You can also get plenty of recipes online. Be adventurous and try to eat something at least once a week that you’ve never had before. Feed Your Body Fat Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 28 of 62

You may spend a lot of time and energy trying to eat less fat. But fat is something your body really needs – and it can really help you have more energy and mental health. We’re not talking about the kind of fat that comes with a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a milkshake. It’s unfortunate that those tasty treats don’t provide much health. Instead we’re talking about the kinds of fats that can be found in olive oil, nuts, fish, fish oil, and flax. These are unsaturated fats that actually make your heart healthier. The omega-3 fatty acids that can be found in fish oil and flaxseed oil can also do wonders to improve your mood. In fact, if you eat a couple of servings of these oils every day, you’ll begin to feel their anti-depressant effects. Who wouldn’t want to feel better mentally from something that can also make your body healthy? You can add these oils in easily by eating fish for dinner or by adding a little flax oil to a smoothie or salad dressing. You can also take supplements of omega-3 fatty acids. Hydration for Health

The last major step you need to take to improve your health is to keep your body hydrated. Instead of living on soda and coffee, try drinking water. This will keep you from overeating and help you replace the fluids you’ve lost from all that exercising.

Drinking water also helps to prevent headaches, helps your joints feel better, and keeps you from getting bloated. These things will help you look and feel better so that you can be more energetic and more attractive.

How much is enough? You need about 64 ounces of water a day. That’s about 8 small glasses. If you’re working out a lot, you can always use more. Matching Your Mind with Your Body Getting your body in good shape is the first step to good health. It can help to prevent the feelings of neediness and desperation a la Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Acting needy or desperate is the best way to kiss your ex goodbye forever. But if you’re serious about reconciliation, you have to get serious about taking care of your mental health. Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 29 of 62

There are many techniques that will help you to get back on balance after the trauma of a breakup. Look through the following ideas and decide which ones you think will help you the most. Write It Down When you write down your feelings and fears, you give yourself permission to let them go. Rather than causing you to dwell on the negative, writing down negative feelings gives you clarity about what’s really bothering you and helps you to move on.

You can use a journal, a spiral notebook, or just some paper. If you’re having trouble getting started you can imagine you’re writing a letter to your parents, a sibling, or a good friend. This may keep it from feeling awkward for you.

Writing about your relationship can help you to uncover things about it that you didn’t know before. It can help you become clearer about what went wrong and what went right. It can help you to understand why you want to get back with your ex and what things may make getting back together challenging. Journals can also help you to get out your feelings of anger, frustration, and hurt that are often caused by breaking up with someone special. Journaling isn’t for everyone, but it’s a good idea to try it before you decide it won’t work for you. Many people find it strange at first, but then get to the point where they can’t live without it. It’s a great way to start or end a day to help you focus on what lies ahead. Depend On Your Friends In times of crisis, your friends are usually the first people you turn to. You don’t want to spend all of your time whining and crying in your beer about your loss. However, friends can be good sounding boards when you need some help. They can also be great at helping to distract you so that you can learn to have fun again. So call up some of your pals and make plans to go out for dinner, lunch, shopping, a movie or whatever it is you enjoy doing. Advice from a Pro If you’re feeling really desperate or unhappy and you feel yourself sliding into a depression, you may want to look for a professional who you can talk with. It often helps to have an objective person to talk to.

The only real downside is that it can cost a pretty penny to see a therapist. It can also take a few sessions to feel like you’re getting the results you need. You may also Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 30 of 62

have to shop around for a counselor that fits well with you. No two counselors are alike and you may just not jive with someone. Focus on Fun The first three suggestions here have been directed at helping you get out your emotions. But sometimes you need to just turn them off and do something else. What kinds of things do you enjoy? Make a list of your favorite activities and try to do at least one of them each day. Taking your mind off of your breakup can help ease the feelings of desperation and panic that you may be feeling. It can also help you to see that you can enjoy life on your own. You need to be a whole person before you can make a relationship really work. Avoid Substances Many people turn to alcohol or other drugs to help ease the pain of loneliness and fear. But alcohol is a depressant and will only serve to make you feel worse. In addition, the effects of alcohol poisoning and hangovers can wreak havoc on your body. These may seem like quick fixes for your mood, but try to abstain from having too much alcohol and keep away from any type of drug. Keeping your mind clear and your body free of toxins will help you a lot more than drowning your sorrows in a bottle. Alcohol and drugs also have a way of taking your judgment from you. That means you’ll be more likely to call your ex or try to see him or her. This could jeopardize your true goal of getting back together with your ex. What’s more important: A night of fun? Or a lifetime of happiness with your true love? When you’re making decisions about how to treat your body, it’s critical that you think about the long-range plans. Your Appearance Please remember one of your goals is to “break the pattern” and there are numerous inexpensive ways to make a transformation. Your other MAIN GOAL is to focus on YOURSELF. Improving yourself and taking care of some of these items below can really skyrocket your self-esteem and confidence.

1. Men- UPDATE YOUR WARDROBE. Pick up a copy of the latest Men’s Fitness, GQ or Esquire and take a look through the pages and get a feel for what is in style right now. You don’t have to spend a fortune. But you need to know if your “acid wash” jeans are in or out.

Women- You probably keep up on fashion. If for some reason that you don’t…I recommend you do the same as the men. Pick up a few of the latest issues of Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 31 of 62

Cosmo, Vogue or Elle. You don’t have to be New York Chic. This is more about you feeling great about what you are wearing.

2. Change your hairstyle. Even simple changes can give you drastic results. A slight change in color. Parting your hair on a different side. Men if you are going to a barber…try going to a salon and getting some advice. Ladies if you have been going to the same stylist for years, see if she can help you with a fresh look. If not then give someone else a try.

3. For about $50 you can get a teeth whitening system that works pretty well from Wal-mart. Many dentists sell these kits very inexpensively. You will NOT believe what a change it will make in your appearance to whiten your teeth a few shades.

4. Dentistry. If you have been putting off dental work. Get it done! Especially, if it is affecting your smile. This gives you HUGE boosts in self confidence. You can smile again! And just wait until you see the look not only on your lovers face, but others as well. Go get it done. You are worth it! And it won’t be as painful as you think.

5. Skin problems – This is another area that can be fixed pretty easily and with marked improvement in 30 days. Make an appointment with a dermatologist. You can get some valuable and professional advice for the price of an office visit.

6. Plastic Surgery? I do NOT recommend for this course to get any kind of plastic surgery, tummy tucks, breast enhancements or any other permanent changes. There is plenty you can do that will drastically alter your looks without resorting to something permanent. Plus, the fact that many procedures require at least a couple weeks to a month of healing time. During that time you will be swollen and bruised. I am NOT taking a position for or against permanent procedures. I am only saying it is NOT necessary to win back the love of your life…Okay?

Please don’t whiz by the above section. It is really key! If you don’t know where to start, I would recommend taking baby steps. Those little steps will, as you accomplish them, excite and motivate you on to other steps. So for example, you could start with the teeth whitening. This is easy, inexpensive, and makes your smile go BANG! You will see and feel a huge difference and that will usually motivate you to “conquer” other steps.

If you are still having problems getting started above run through The Fast Forward Technique about the negative feelings you are having. Chapter 4: Re-Igniting the Spark Page 32 of 62

The Next Step Once you have put your “health plan” together, you need to make it a routine. You’ll need to keep up your routine of physical maintenance while you take the next steps in the plan. In fact, these are all great habits to build into your overall lifestyle. When you put out a feeling of energy and confidence, you’ll be bound to attract many people to you. You’ll see that being positive and healthy will bring your ex to you like a moth to a flame. But you’re not ready to approach your ex just yet. In the next chapter we’ll talk about dating possibilities and avoiding the dreaded rebound relationship.

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