How to get your wife back- chapter 8

Chapter 8:

When Your Relationship Can’t Be Saved – Moving On With Grace

Sometimes things just don’t work out as you planned. You may have really wanted to rekindle your relationship with your ex, but it’s not the right time or the right person for you.

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. Washington Irving

All along you should have been assuming the attitude that you were moving on. But sometimes it’s hard to really have that feeling until things are completely resolved. By now you know that your relationship is really over and it’s time to make long-lasting changes to move on.

Keep Up the Good Habits By now you’re eating better, exercising your body, and taking good care of your looks. This is an excellent first step to healing and moving on. Keep making these things a part of your life. A good health and fitness regime will do wonders for you. Taking care of your body can have huge effects on your mental health. It will also:

 Help you to look better

 Give you more self-confidence

 Make you more attractive

 Keep you young

Why would you give up anything that can give you all these results? Even if your relationship didn’t work out the way you planned. Continue to Play the Field You need to keep dating and playing the field. The more people you meet, the more opportunities you’ll have to find another relationship that will be fulfilling. You’ll also get used to meeting new people and putting your best face forward. Again, revisit the places where you can meet other singles such as:

 Internet dating sites

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 Singles groups

 Mutual friends

 Sporting and other hobby clubs

 Dating services

You never know when you’ll meet someone really wonderful. But you definitely won’t meet anyone if you spend all your time sitting in front of the TV on your couch. Leave Your Ex Alone When a relationship is really over, you need to avoid having constant contact with your ex. This just opens old wounds and makes things even more painful. You may be tempted to call all the time or find excuses to drop by. Just don’t do that. Use all the self-control you have to leave your ex alone to live his or her life. Then you’ll be free to do the same. Avoiding a Rebound You weren’t able to save this relationship, so you may feel the need to jump right into another one to ease the pain. This isn’t usually a very good idea. Rebound relationships often are carved out of desperation and the fear of being alone instead of the actual person with whom you’re involved. Enjoy dating and meeting new people. But give yourself a few months before you jump fully into another relationship. Allow yourself to grieve and accept the way things are before you find someone new to settle down with. Learn to Love You Once you’ve had a breakup, it’s always good to learn to spend a little time with yourself. In order to be good in a relationship, you really need to be a whole person. You need to be sure that you can live without someone else. Then when someone else whole comes along you can have a life together, not a relationship that is codependent. There are a lot of benefits to being single for a while:

 You can travel to places you’ve always wanted to see

 You can learn a new hobby

 You can choose to live wherever you’d like

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 You can spend your free time however you like

 You can focus on your career and get ahead

These are just a few of the good things that come from being on your own. When you learn to love yourself and function on your own, you can really bring so much more to the next relationship. Learn From Your Mistakes

There are two people in every relationship. Even if your relationship ended because one of you cheated, the other person has some responsibility in the demise of it. You need to take some time to figure out what it is that caused the problem.

Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.

Swami Sivananda

Maybe you didn’t have the same interests. Maybe your family or religious values were different. It’s possible that you just didn’t have much fun together or you didn’t have much to talk about. Then again, you could have found that you weren’t really attracted to one another.

Spend some time evaluating what it is that went wrong. Then make sure that as you seek out new relationships you don’t make the same mistakes.

Don’t Make Major Life Decisions After a breakup people often try to make major changes. You may start looking for a new job in a faraway place. You may immediately look to move across town. Your big change could even be as simple as getting a radical new haircut. This isn’t the time to make big decisions. These are all motivated by sadness or a desire to escape. Even if you move or have a new job, you’ll still hurt from the loss of your relationship. Let Yourself Grieve It’s a good idea to give yourself a little time to mourn. Having a relationship end is really a life-changing experience. It can be hard to say goodbye. Don’t be ashamed if you feel bad about it. You’ll probably go through the stages of grief:

 Denial that your relationship is over

 Anger about the end of the relationship

 Bargaining – for example, “If I could just lose 20 pounds, maybe it will work.”

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 Depression about the end of the partnership

 Finally acceptance that it is over and the ability to move on.

If you look at the above list, you can probably identify very specifically with where you are. It’s normal to have these feelings – and it’s even good. If you don’t grieve the relationship now, you may have to deal with bottled up feelings later.

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. Margaret Mitchell

Time Will Heal You

One thing is for sure. Time does heal the pain of a lost love. You may feel like you will never ever get over this, but in time you’ll be okay. Things always do get better. They just do. It’s a fact of life.

If you’ve had several serious relationships in the past, you need only look back over your own life to see that you eventually were able to pick up the pieces of your heart and move on.

If this is your first major breakup, you’ll have to trust the other people in your life that are all telling you that you will heal.

A broken heart is really painful – there’s no doubt about it. But you get a little stronger every time you have a broken heart and heal. You’ll come out better than you were before. You’ll learn not to choose the same type of person, or not to make the same types of mistakes, or that people don’t have to be perfect. You’ll learn how to have fun again and you’ll find love again – probably when you least expect it. Growing and Changing Having relationships in our lives is what makes us human. With every person we love, we take a little wisdom with us on the path of life. Every relationship will change you and help you grow. One of the best ways to move on from a relationship that has ended is to think of the good things it brought to your life. What did you learn? How did you grow? When you can have gratitude for the changes you’ve undergone, you’ll be better for it. Moving on is one of the hardest lessons in life, but you’ll be able to do it with grace if you take care of yourself and keep your head held high. Chapter 8: When Your Relationship Can’t Be Saved Page 62 of 62

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